Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
