Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Randomize
