I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
