Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
