if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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