just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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