Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
