i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
