My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
