Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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