new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I love you. Go after that dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize