Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
