All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
