Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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