my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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