my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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