Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
