I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
