You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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