she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
