new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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