I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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