My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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