12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
50% drunk capacity currently
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
