All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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