Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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