So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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