is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
