Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
