You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
