Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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