An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
