No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
