Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
