I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
