i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
