I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
