my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
