The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
