Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
