1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
