Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
