The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
