I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that's an acceptable place to lick
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize