I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
