Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
