So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
