Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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