Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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