You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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