We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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