Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
im on a boat
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