He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
