he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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