Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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