Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
