Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The uberlube is also flammable
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
