Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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