Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
