Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
