Can i not drive my cunt home
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
