But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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