she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
