tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
