I bet he comes in French.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
