I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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