Duck Duck Cougar?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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