Already got asked if we're dating
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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