he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
