at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
