: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
