Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
