i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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