wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
