His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
