need another drink. this is the easiest way
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
