Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
