Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
