After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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