He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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