thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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