Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
