In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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