I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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