I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
